If I look at the one, I will.

If I look at the mass, I will never help. If I look at the one, I will. - Mother Teresa

Bob and I attended a foster parent orientation last night.  Some days we have no idea which direction this journey is headed, and so we explore the areas we feel called to help.  The need is so great, it's hard to know some times where to put our energy, and still care for our family unit now.

When we started this journey a year and a half ago, we really thought we were going one way: an international adoption from Uganda.  We thought we knew how it would go, had an idea of a time frame, and pictured our ideal family when it got to that point.

We've since learned that we have no idea how this will look.  And we are ok with that.

Our destination only involves stepping out in faith and being available.  The rest, is up to God.

The outpouring of support of our friends, and strangers to raise money has been humbling.  And keeps us moving forward and clinging to the idea that a domestic adoption could financially happen for us.  Without that help, we won't get there, which could lead us to other ways of caring for those less fortunate, and that's ok too.

The idea of being a home, readily available for children in our community on a temporary or permanent basis also intrigues us.

Our heart is for family, our own biological kids, adopted ones, or simply those that need to be loved on by our family for a short period of time.  We trust that God has the perfect picture of our family, and are encouraged by how he's revealing it to us, in His perfect time.

keeping our eyes above the waves...

You call me out upon the water
The great unknown, where my feet may fail
And there I find you in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand

The opening verses of the song "Ocean" by Hillsong United played this morning as I was driving into work.  So many people, when they see us, ask how the adoption is going.  Most of my answers consist of shallow responses.  The typical: paperwork, home study, fund raising responses.

What I should say is...

I thought I knew how to swim.  I thought I knew what faith was.

He has called us to something that is bigger than us.  And it's taking a long time.  In my book.  Most days I feel like we are out in the middle of the ocean, we've left sight of the shore, the next step in our adoption process could be just over the horizon, but it could also be an illlusion once we paddle over.  There could be another storm tomorrow, we could have a few days of calm, we may be unaware that sharks are swimming underneath, some days we see their fins. 

But we trust him.

And we keep swimming.  And we're getting stronger.

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed, and You won't start now

Did you know they were adopted?

Steve Jobs.

Faith Hill.

Marilyn Monroe.

Babe Ruth.

Sarah McLachlan.

Dede Griesbauer.

We still need your help!

This process is long and... Worth it.

We still need your help!  We are no one special, just a simple family, knowing we have love to give another family member.

Our next step is working our way through the fee schedule for the adoption of our little guy.

You can make a donation though PayPal, our account is: erinmhansel@hotmail.com

Do you have a fundraising idea? Email me, erinmhansel@hotmail.com

Read more about our journey through this blog!

Most importantly, thank you for sharing our story. The more people we reach, the more likely we are to fill this spot in our heart!

Thank you!

Bob, Erin, Jett, Maggie, and Faye

the last bits... of our home study.

This has been a week of the "lasts" of our home study completion.  On Monday, we visited with the social worker, to show her our new house and fill her in on our summer.  And what a summer it's been.  When we put things on hold, we didn't know what the future would hold.  We knew we needed to give some undivided attention to our marriage, our family, and some other circumstances that were beyond our control.  We wonder if the attention needed would have come about without having been in this process, we're thankful for the tough times, and for the new mercies each morning.  To have a home study done on your family is to be an open book, vulnerability is not my strong suite.  To open up about the hard, ugly parts, and to be judged for them, with no control over what is written about your family, is breath taking.  But necessary.  We have nothing to hide, we are who we are, we are a complete work in progress, with moments of hard, moments of joy, moments of triumph, and moments of defeat.  And we wouldn't change a moment of it.  When this little guy joins our family, the little guy that our three dream about about daily, talk about, and ask many questions about (his size, the color of his skin, his name, when we'll get him), we'll be ready.  We know its in His perfect time, and not our own.

This Saturday we have our final training, and then it's written, the home study will be complete and submitted to the placement agency.  And then we do some more waiting.  I've never, ever been a patient person, ever.  Ever.  And this process is shaping my whole being.  Again, no doubt He brought us here to make us who He wanted us to be.  There's no stones unturned when we submitted to His will for our lives, there's no part He hasn't touched.  He is giving us a life full of joy and victory, far beyond what we deserve or ever imagined, in the form of our children, the restoration of our marriage (that we know will always be a work in progress), the care of our health, finances, safety, and beyond.  And even if it was all stripped away, which in times of our life it felt like it had been, we trust Him.  What is written about us, is in His hands, our little guy, is in His hands, our three, are in His hands, and our marriage, is in His hands.  

where we started.

And I don't think it's come to an end. Our hearts were drawn to Uganda, for a reason. And while it doesn't make sense at times, this long curvy road, I don't doubt God will use it.

Our friends, who are in need of prayer in their adoption and for the health of their little girls they haven't yet brought home, brought these back from Uganda when they went to meet their daughters.  It's amazing to have support of people, who while in the thick of it themselves, think of you also.  

The handmade purses are a suggested donation of $40 and the paper bead bracelets and necklaces (too many to picture) are $20. These would make great gifts, supporting our adoption, especially as we come to a completion of our home study, the time line of when we add to our family is dependent on the money.  And we trust him fully that it will come.

If you're out of state, I'm happy to mail them to you for free.  

we're still here.

And we're still moving.  Moving toward what God planned and nothing we could have ever dreamed up.  Some days it feels like it's a snail's pace, some days we feel like we're making real progress.  But we trust that it is his timing, and not ours.

This weekend is our volunteer team at the Boulder 70.3 triathlon.  Ironman gives grants to groups who work their races and we are super excited to be well staffed and ready to go on Sunday to receive it!  It's a big step forward financially, which is what we need.

These next few months are going to need to be filled with financially fulfilling fundraisers.  With our home study nearly done (it's shy of 4 documents that should be in the mail and 1 training session in September), we are about to encounter big numbers in our fee schedule for our placement agency.  The sooner these numbers are met, the sooner we are able to bring that little guy into our family.  AND WE NEED YOUR IDEAS!  How do we reach this goal?  What have you seen done in the past, that works?  We'll do what it takes to get there, this is our child, and we'll get him home with your help.

Your prayers are appreciated this week, as always, as we have a big decision to make.  We're certain God will direct the path we go down and know that's he's got this, not in anyway I had ever imagined, but in his good, and perfect plan.

We're still here.  And we're really glad you are too.