I am most comfortable in the deep end. I read a great analogy this week about the deep end versus the shallow end of our faith. And by choice, I have always done things the hard way, found myself uncomfortable, and grown incredibly. From day one, I liked the high dive, I choose the long run home, and I always went to morning swim practice. In college I attended two schools, changed majors three times, then went a totally different direction upon finishing. When Bob and I married, and my brother-in-law met him for the first time, he simply said "good luck, she does things her own way." Bob's never forgotten that comment. We spent little time getting to know each other before our wedding, and we've spent countless hours in counseling because of that. We had babies right away, we moved two states away from family, have struggled with finances, jobs, depression, God, and each other. And in the deep end of struggling to stay afloat, trusting God to come through, and leaning into one another we've found it to be much more appealing than the pool floats and umbrella drinks of life.
We still struggle, and we always will in one way or another, because we want a more fulfilling life. The year and a half journey of adoption paperwork, being turned away by an agency, raising funds for something we didn't know how and when would come to fruition, only to be put on hold with a pregnancy, and trusting it's God's timing and not our own reminds us constantly we are not in control. The sure footing of 3 feet of water has always eluded us. And that's ok. We'd rather swim.
My heart is still in Africa, and I've never had the desire to be out of this country. I like home. I'm content on the couch. Bob's heart is for helping, in any form. He'd expend himself to the point of exhaustion for others, and does on a regular basis for his family. And to keep that God given desire lit, it needs to be watered and you need to work. And so we've found ways to do it, to keep treading in the waters where our heart leads. For Bob, it's here, for me, it's Africa.
Nehemiah 4:6 “So we built the wall. And all the wall was joined together to half its height, for the people had a mind to work.” Have a mind to work, be linked with those that help you stay afloat, focus on the One that keeps you afloat, and the deep end will be more fun, even the moments you feel like you're drowning :)
Saturday, March 1, 2014
We are due with a baby this August, which will be kiddo #4. The most common question we get is, "are you still adopting?" Or, "what does this change about the adoption?" Honestly, we don't know. We hope, wish, and pray that this adoption journey has prepared us for adding to our family in that way, but we'll leave that in Gods hands and trust if it is in our story, He'll lead us there. While I often feel the tug of Africa on my heart, we are open to a domestic adoption as well... Foster care, private, open or closed, older or younger. While the story of our adoption, has so many depths to it, I know it has made us stronger in our faith, with our marriage, in our finances, with our kids, and in every day life. Our three talk daily still about the little boy they want to add to our family, I can only imagine how often they think about him without voicing it. Today Jett asked if his skin would be light or dark. His heart longs for him, as does ours. Faye would like for us to adopt a little girl, assuming the baby coming in August is a boy, so they can be in love. That 3 year old is a daily adventure waiting to happen. Each child that God has blessed us with, and will bless us with in the future, is the greatest gift we could ask for. And we can't wait to receive it, with a child like faith, knowing He knows best.